Running. This is what I do. I run my children all over the place, I run my clients into the ground (this, of course, is an exaggeration), I run to the market and the mall, I run my own business, I run around the golf course to keep my mind sane and my body in shape, I run into my children's arms when they arrive home, I run away with my husband on his business trips for fun. I run.

I really don't like to sit still. For me, riding in a car for any length of time is torturous, sitting in a movie theater or watching television seems like a waste of time, even sitting here writing this blog is frustrating, and sitting on a hard pew bench at church - please! Needless to say, I prefer to fly, I miss a lot of great movies and talked about television shows, I have waited until today to start blogging (I had planned to start this last year!), and I haven't been to church as often as I would like to admit.

I just finished reading a FABULOUS book by Elizabeth Gilbert titled Eat, Pray, and Love. She uses one word to describe cities and herself. For example, Rome = Sex, the Vatican = Power, Manhattan = Achieve, Liz Gilbert = Antevasin (you have to read the book). I think my word may be "Runner".


When I was going through my divorce, I loved to listen to REO Speedwagon's song "Time For Me to Fly" (Yes, I was born in the 60's but, I AM STILL IN MY 30'S, for at least 23 more days and I am going to repeat that phrase for the next 23 days to anyone who will listen). In case you didn't party in the 80's or have no clue who is REO Speedwagon, I will help supply the lyrics.

I 've been around for you

I've been up and down for you

But I just can't get any relief

I've swallowed my pride for you

I've lived and lied for you

But you still make me feel like a thief

You got me stealin' your love away

Cause you never give it

Peeling the years away

And we can't relive it

I make you laugh

And you make me cry

I believe it's time for me to fly

You said we'd work it out

You said that you had no doubt

That deep down we were really in love

Oh, but I'm tired of holding on

To a feeling I know is gone

I do believe that I've had enough

I 've had enough of the falseness

Of a worn out relation

Enough of the jealousy

and the in toleration

I make you laugh

And you make me cry

I believe it's time for me to fly

I've got to set myself free

Time for me to fly

And that's how it's got to be

I know it hurts to say goodbye

But it's time for me to fly.

This little ditty says ALOT about that period of time in my life. I made a decision to move away from a poisonous relationship that I couldn't fix (I really, really thought that I could) and fly. Making that decision was the most difficult, most monumental, most empowering task I have ever completed. That in-between place, the place where you are left to choose, that place where you struggle to decide....... to leap into a life that is unknown and scary and full of bills to pay or to dig your feet in the sand, hoping to make the best of a life that is volatile and scary but can pay the bills......... not a fun place to be.

If you happen to be in a similar place, please have hope. I promise you, once your final decision is made, the agony subsides and light shines in places that were previously dark and gray. This is what happened when I chose to fly. New doors opened for me and my children that I never could have imagined existed.

Soooooo, maybe my word should be "Fly Girl". I'm not sure. My life has soared to new heights of happiness, I do fly (the conventional way in a 747) fairly often, and I can fly across any dance floor. Hmmm, wait, maybe "Dancer" should be the word. I do love Lee Ann Womack's song "I Hope You Dance" because she sings about living life to the fullest and that is exactly what I try to do everyday. I don't want to leave this earth with regret or longing . I truly try to live in the moment and am acutely grateful for all of life's blessings.

I was running the other day (there is that word again) and happened to meet a dear friend of mine. She was walking so I stopped and walked with her. We walked and talked about our busy lives, our children, and people that just don't get "it". These are people who are so self-consumed that they miss out on the big picture. My friend is the strongest, most resilient, most positive, most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure to know. In the past year and a half she has battled (and beat!) ovarian cancer only to be slammed with a slew of other medical maladies. Yet, I have never seen her without a smile on her face. She gets it. So I say to her "Maybe some people need to get cancer. Not maliciously or medically. Just put where they are forced to step back and realize how lucky they really are." She agreed.

My cancer was my divorce. It gave me perspective. It changed the lens on my view of the world and of my life. I don't know what word best describes me. All I know is this, I love my life, my children, my family and friends, my career. I love to run, I love to fly and I love to dance.

I was running the other day and this song played and stopped me in my tracks. It's Rascal Flats "When The Sand Runs Out". It sums up (much more poetically than this blog) how I feel and what I want to convey.

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave

Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man

He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels

Never knowin' how the real thing feels

He never took a chance or took the time to dance

And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop lookin back and start movin on

And learn how to face my fears

Love with all of my heart, make my mark

I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, without any net

That's what I'm gonna be about

Yeah, I wanna be runnin'

When the sand runs out

Cause people do it everyday

Promise themselves they're gonna change

I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out

That was then this is now

I'm a brand new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man

And when they carve my stone they'll write these words

"Here lies a man who lived life for all that it's worth

I'm gonna stop lookin back and start movin on

Learn how to face my fears

Love with all of my heart, make my mark

I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, without any net

That's what I'm gonna be about

Yeah, I want to be runnin

When the sand runs out.