United We Stand. Divided We Fall.

While teaching a 9:00 a.m. fitness class, one of my regular participants arrived uncharacteristically late. With a wink, I told her to do push-ups as penance. She laughed and explained that she had been late due to listening to the news. A plane had hit the World Trade Center. I decided to turn on the classroom television to see what was happening. Suddenly, we watched together as the events of 9/11/01 unfolded directly in front of our eyes.

Many things were going through my head that morning. Should I get my children out of school? Where is my brother who was a flight attendant? Are my Manhattan friends okay? What the heck is going on??? After my class ended, I walked on the treadmill watching and listening to various news reports trying to understand what was going on. Nobody knew what was going to happen next.

I decided not to alarm my children by taking them out of school early. Instead, I gathered my baby and our belongings from the gym and drove to pick-up my daughter from pre-school. Only after I had my children home, fed, and down for a nap, did I turn on the television to watch the news and make phone calls. I shielded my children as best I could from the horror and mayhem of that day. I discovered my brother was safe and visiting friends in California. My Manhattan friends were traumatized, but okay. And, the pundits were trying their best to make sense out of these tragic events.

What I remember most in the days and months that followed that terrible Tuesday was a feeling of unity. People came together. It didn't matter if they were blue or red, black or white, a fireman or an investment banker. People united. They donated their time, their money, their prayers, and their hearts. We grieved together for the loss of lives. We yearned together for 9/10 - the world as we knew it. In time, band-aids were applied, wounds were healed, and we forged a new normal.

Fast forward 8 years. What happened to that unity?

This past week there was outrage regarding President Obama addressing our children. The outlandish claims and the divisiveness along party lines regarding this issue has struck a chord deep within me. Teachers and parents chose to shield their students (my children!) from a speech about staying in school, respecting your teachers, and doing their best. Empowering children to believe in themselves and encouraging children to achieve their dreams, is one of the best gifts our children and our country can receive. They are our future.

I am respectful of opinions different than my own, and I strive to teach my children that same respect. I encourage them to open their minds and their ears and to make their own informed decisions. Our dinner table conversations and family meeting discussions have included heated debates on religion, politics, and, of course, the distribution of allowance money. No topic is banned and all opinions are safely vetted without fear of retaliation.

On September 12, 2001 as I was unloading groceries in my kitchen I noticed my oldest son playing with 2 boxes of sandwich bags and a small toy car. He took the boxes and put them on end so that they were standing tall. He took the toy car and "flew" it toward the tall boxes. I watched him carefully as he approached the boxes. At the last moment as the car was about to crash into the boxes, he immediately diverted it and allowed it to fly safely around to the other side. Noticing that I had been watching him, he looked up at me and simply said, "Wouldn't that have been great Mommy?". With my lip quivering as I tried to restrain my emotion, I responded, "Yes, Jack, that would have been terrific."

My hope, my wish, my dream, my fervent prayer is that one day our children and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren will grow and flourish in a world free from hate and discrimination. I have faith in this great country. I believe it should not be segregated with selfishness, but proudly proclaimed as the United States of America.

Back on the wagon

It's time.  I have tried to ignore the repeated calling.  I have tried justifying reasons for not sitting my ass down and doing it.  I have tried to tell myself that doing everything else is more important and maybe everything else is more important.  All that I know is that I NEED to start writing again.  I have been touched with so many amazing experiences recently.  Sharing those experiences in words will be extremely cathartic for me.  

The other day my youngest son, Nick, who is 9 years old walked toward me with his hands behind his back.  It had been "one of those days" where my patience had been pushed to the limit.  Being the empath that he is, he knew just what to do.  

Nick says to me, "Mommy, close your eyes, I have a surprise for you."  I was plowing through our shoe laden and backpack/lunchbox/coat strewn mud room at the time and didn't really appreciate the intrusion.  

He says it again, "Mommy I have something for you that you are really going to like!".  

So, I stopped trying to clear a path and heeded his request.  I stood up, closed my eyes, and waited for my surprise.  

"Okay, open your eyes, Mommy."

And as I did, Nick, releases his hands from behind his back and wraps them around me as tight as he possibly could.  With tears streaming down my face I look at his cherub face and see pure joy shining up at me.  

"It's a hug, Mommy.  I knew you would really like it."

This was one of those moments that will always remain etched in my mind.  My little boy knew just what I needed at just the right time.

Nearly 7 years of his young life has been shared between his father and me.  Our divorce and the strained circumstances surrounding it has necessitated a dual residency.  His father and I have been in and out of court continually over the past 7 years trying to reach an amicable custody agreement.  

My children are the oxygen I need to breath and this custody battle is surrendering me breathless.  If you read my Facebook posts today you will notice that I have been quoting Tom Petty lyrics from the song, "Won't back down".  The reason is because I am being challenged once again to modify our current custody agreement.  

Years ago, when I was going through the initial divorce proceedings, a comment was made about me that became my fuel to press on.  The comment was, "She's too meek.  She won't follow through."  Meek?  "I am not meek" became my mantra, and I was able to start a new life for myself and my children.

Today, "You can stand me up at the gates of hell..... and I won't back down."  

A mother's will to protect her children is fierce.  A mother's need for oxygen is essential.  I am a mother.

"And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down.  Gonna stand my ground.  Won't get turned around.  Well, I know what's right, I got just one life.  In a world that keeps on pushin' me around.  And, I won't back down."